Proto-Narnian Theology

The story of the incarnation, from beginning to end, is inexplicably marvelous and astonishing.  Once a year we celebrate the coming of the divine into the world. We remember that the word became flesh – that God wrapped himself in human skin and became a vulnerable infant.  We celebrate the coming of the Son into the world with presents, Christmas lights, decorating trees, family gatherings, and lots of food.  With Christmas over, we now take down the lights, exchange the ugly sweaters we received as gifts, and begin to have life get back to normal.  But the birth of Christ is just the beginning of the story of the incarnation.  The story doesn't end there! The ramifications of Christ’s birth and death are felt to this day.  We gather together every week to remember the sacrifice Christ made on our behalf.  It didn't end in a tomb. Christ rose and the world was forever changed! Weekly, during communion, we focus on the other end of the incarnation– Jesus’ death and resurrection.

Leo the Great preached, “Truly wondrous is the whole chronicle of the incarnation. From the time when Christ came, slavery ended, the devil is thwarted, demons take to flight, the power of death is broken, paradise is unlocked, the curse is taken away, sin is removed from us, error is driven out, truth has been brought back, and the speech of love begins to spread.  A heavenly way of life has been implanted on the earth.” 

(This has the C.S. Lewis' Narnia written all over it! Or, at least, that was the first thing I thought of!)

As New Year approaches and we make our resolutions, let us strive to live as men and women who have been freed from bondage – without fear of death, with the key to paradise, and participating in this heavenly way of life that Jesus established for us. We live a life with the ethics, trust, and love of the next world while living in this world. Once we accept the sacrifice Christ made for us, our lives should begin to reflect the exciting and world-shattering words spoken long ago by Leo the Great.   May our lives be a display of continual praise and thanks for this event, not just at Christmas and Easter, but at every moment of our lives, with every breath we take, and with every word we speak.  Our time of slavery has ended,  Satan has been defeated, death is no longer something to be feared, the door to paradise has been thrown open wide, our sins are forgiven and forgotten, the curse is broken, truth is now a way of life, and we now speak the language of love. Instead of living in darkness, Jesus came to be a light and rid our lives of darkness.  Help us to not love darkness but to bask in the light.
     

When I was Ordained, I Wore a Girly Dress

Not everyone understands the pressure of gender expectations in a field dominated by the opposite sex. It is difficult to balance wanting to be accepted and taken seriously with being yourself.  I have been told not to appear too feminine when I speak in front of a church. To those who think this, I might as well tell you that I will do the exact opposite. I will dress appropriately, of course, but I will embrace who God has made me and not attempt to hide it. I am a woman. And I'm not ashamed of it. I wear bright and girly dresses, colorful makeup, and adorn my hair with flowers.  I can speak the Word while wearing red lipstick. I can stand and preach just as well in high heels. I can care for others all the better in my girly dress because I feel free and can be myself, not hiding who I am under a mask others have asked me to wear. Here is a poem that I absolutely love. It expresses this problem, the pain, and the joy better than I can. It is called "When I am Ordained, I Shall Purple." And as you can see below, I did exactly that.

 ______________________________________

When I am Ordained, I shall wear Purple

by Mia Smith
When I am ordained, I shall wear purple
with killer heels and bright red lipstick
And I shall go round preaching from the Bible

The liberating truth that Jesus calls women
and tell those who say otherwise that it is they,
not I, who are bad theologians. I shall sit down with fellow clergy when we are tired of fighting for equality
and going the extra mile with grace when we are put down,
And we will make up for it:
by encouraging one another as Scripture says,
and praying for those who abuse us,
and rejoicing that we are suffering
(but just a little bit) for Jesus,
And we might even eat some chocolate. I will adopt the ordination name “Junia”,
and remind those who object,
that there may be a boy named Sue somewhere in the world,
but there probably isn’t.

But now we must face the world,
Who think we are traitors to our sex
For working for the Church
And face our brothers and sisters who think
We are being unbiblical
And face those in our Churches
who have failed to notice the pain this week has brought.
And we will go in the strength of Christ.
We will not turn our backs on our calling
Because God is not finished with the Church,
And He is faithful. But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am ordained, and start to wear purple.

Living Like a Lily of the Field: Part II

It is a difficult discipline not to buy things and own things in a society that is all about having more and more. Here are some tips I have found and some practices I am working on. 1) Don’t go to the mall.  Casually window-shopping or even just walking through my favorite stores does nothing but convince me that I need more.  Advertising really is pretty convincing, isn’t it?  I love fashion, for example. When I go to the mall, I see all the things I would love to have. But the cycle never breaks. There never seems to be a point where I have enough clothes or dress well enough. So I just avoid malls altogether.  Even going to Target or going to the grocery store can be fraught with these perils. It is essential to be very intentional when going anywhere you spend your money (have a budget and a list in hand!).  Additionally, your philosophy of money and material possession needs to be continually flushed out. Aristotle said that the unexamined life is not worth living.  Take some time to examine your relationship to your possessions, to money, and set goals for yourself.  It can be anything from a simple budget to a vow of poverty, but making a conscious decision is indispensable.  2) Make repurposing and recycling a lifestyle.  Instead of buying new clothes, for example, I swap with friends, shop at garage sales and thrift stores, or refashion items I already own but haven’t worn in a while.  This is a great practice because it also teaches patience. Often, I have to wait for a while until I can cross something off my list. Recently, I was looking for curtain. It took a month of stopping at garage sales before I found some. My need for instant gratification has been very challenged! 3) Find great ways to put your money to use that does not involve buying more things.  I was literally struck dumb a few weeks ago when a couple handed me a check for several hundred dollars for groceries and said to expect another one next month.  I told them that this was way too much money to just be handing out to people! My friend responded that she had disciplined herself to not want things. She said, “Why would I buy some more stuff when I can help you guys buy groceries or support a missionary?” Well, that certainly does put things in perspective! Why should I spend a small fortune keeping up with the latest trends when I can give micro-loans to women in the Middle East or pay to send women to school in Afghanistan? Moreover, what if that small fortune I was spending on clothing was contributing to lining the pockets of sweatshop owners, destroying the environment (and again, hurting the poor), and weighing me down spiritually?  This perspective makes choices much easier! 4) Find heroes, authors, and friends who inspire you to do more and reach your full potential.  Mother Teresa, Shane Claiborne, and Gandhi are some people I continually look to for inspiration on these issues.  I also have friends who are very serious about these issues, like my husband and many friends.

            In light of all these reasons, I decided to make up a new tradition for me, my family, and my future family to follow. Instead of being thankful for all the things I have on one day and then the next spending tons of money on things I was fine without the day before, I am going to find as many things in my house to get rid of as I can. Not only for the sake of myself but also for the sake of others.  I can then donate these items or give them to people who I know are struggling or need something. This is my new Black Friday tradition, which is the next step up from the “buy nothing day” I usually celebrate. This is a healthier and more appropriate way to spend the day after Thanksgiving! It is a sad symptom of our culture when you see the news covering the thousands of people who have been camping out for days, who trample fellow human beings, and the usual report of injuries and even death by the end of the day. I hope this tradition catches on. I think it would be better for everyone.

            Shane Claiborne in the book Red Letter Christians (which I highly recommend) retells the biblical story commonly referred to as the Rich Man and Lazarus. He pointed out how the walls and gates the rich man built to keep people like Lazarus at bay not only hurt the poor but it also hurt the rich man. The poor man suffered from lack of food, shelter, care, etc. but the rich man also suffered, even though he does not realize it until the end of the story.  The walls he built kept him away from the people he needed to be in community with in order to be in true communion with God. Having too many possession and holding on to them too tightly ruined his life. In fact, in the story he asks if Lazarus can go and warn his brother about their lifestyle and that it needs to be changed because it is keeping them from God and from others.  Possessions and the love of those possessions are what broke the two greatest commandments: love God and love your neighbor.  I know that few people would identify themselves with the rich man in this story.  One of the jarring parts of the story, however, is that the rich man himself was shocked at these accusations. He believed he was following God’s commands. How many of us are actually the rich man in this story? Probably more of us than would care to admit.

I will leave off with this final paragraph from Red Letter Revolution: “In John 10: 10, Jesus says he has come to give us life to the fullest, not guilt to the fullest. So I’m interested in that life— and so are a lot of other folks— because we often settle for something far short of life to the fullest. We opt for survival, security, and comfort rather than the cross and suffering love of Jesus. We choose the American dream instead of the gospel dream. But the freest people I know are the folks who have learned to live like the lilies and the sparrows. Once a reporter said to Mother Teresa that he couldn’t do what she did if he was paid a million dollars. She answered, “Yes, for a million dollars I wouldn’t do it either.” I think Jesus is showing us that there is a pearl, a prize, worth leaving everything for. So it’s not about what you’ve left, but it’s about what you’ve found.”

Living like a Lily of the Field: Part I

This month I have been posting a different thing I am thankful for each day on Facebook.  Even on bad days, it was a wonderful practice to stop and think of one thing that brought me true joy and happiness. While reviewing that list, I realized not a single one on my list was any possession I owned.  A summary of my list: my husband, family, friends, church community, and my dog. One of my all-time favorite reads is Mother Teresa’s A Simple Path.  She says that the opposite is in fact true – the more “things” you have, the unhappier you are."When you don't have anything, then you have everything."  I’m going to agree with her on this one.  

            Over the last few years, I have been moving steadily through different phases in order to achieve a more simplistic lifestyle.  For a while now I have been going through the “buy only used items” stage (except for things like toothbrushes…).  There have been a couple of reasons for it. First, since my husband and I are both in grad school full time, we make next to nothing.  Grad school is a great way to cut your spending habits.  Second, I have become increasingly concerned about the ecological impact the American standard of living is having on the world (for goodness sakes, we use a quarter of the world’s resources and make up only 4% of the world’s population).  Besides being concerned with the environment for its own sake, the people who will be most affected by these types of decisions are the poor – in this country and all over the world.  Third, the more information I have about where most of my stuff comes from, the heavier it sits on my conscious.  I should not and cannot help sustain large populations of people (especially children!) who are put into dangerous and terrible situations in sweatshops to make a shirt for me (Mother Teresa says,"When a poor person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her. It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed."). Fourth, the money can be put to better use than buying another thing I don’t need. There are quite a few more, but these are some of the major reasons I am working on scaling back my lifestyle.

            I think some of my heroes like Mother Teresa were on to something with their vow of poverty.  An example that always jumps to my mind when I think of simplicity is a trip my friend and I took a few years ago. We were going to be gone for several weeks, so I packed my suitcase to the brim. It was exhausting lugging around a huge suitcase, digging through tons of things to find my toothbrush, and I couldn’t help but scatter things everywhere as I tried to find something in my bag.  I didn’t think too much about it because that is just simply how a person travels.  One day, though, we filled a backpack each with a single change of clothes and a few basic things. We locked our suitcases in a storage room at a hostel, and we took off to go exploring. We rented mopeds and just went wherever the wind would take us. To my dying day one of my favorite images will be my friend on her moped in front of me with her backpack on, with the Mediterranean Sea on one side and tall hills topped with ancient ruins on the other. We were gone for a few days and one of the best parts of that trip was how little stuff we had. We could go and do what we wanted because of how little held us down.  When I think of living a life free of clutter, useless items, and freedom, this is the image my mind conjures, not a life that is somehow lessened because I own fewer material possessions.

Living in Another World

Today I was fortunate to hear one of my heroes – Shane Claiborne – speak at school. I have heard him several times but listening to him is addictive. You can feel that he believes with every fiber of his being that another world is truly possible - a world that is based on love and grace instead of greed and violence (and compliance and apathy in the face of injustice).

"Maybe we are a little crazy.  After all, we believe in things we don't see. The Scriptures say that faith is "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Heb 11:1).  We believe poverty can end even though it is all around us.  We believe in peace even though we hear only rumors of war.  And since we are people of expectation, we are so convinced that another world is coming that we start living as if it were already here." (Shane Claiborne)

There are not many people who stir this passion in me but when you do meet them it touches your very soul. The last few weeks in a Bible study I am leading I have been blessed to meet lots of new people. We were discussing barriers that stand between us and true intimacy in our adoptive family – the church. One suggestion was that we are afraid to be vulnerable to one another. This hit home. I don’t mind sharing other people’s burdens but I am reluctant to share mine…even my husband has to fight to let me let him help me. I decided to be brave and shared what a tight budget we have. I feel this every week when I go to the grocery store and have to be so careful what we can buy. Throw in all my weird diet issues and it is difficult to leave the store satisfied. I was really embarrassed to share this (and I am working on this, hence why I am sharing it on my blog) but I did anyway because I love the image of the church being a true community and a family. The next day I opened my mailbox and there is a check for a whopping $250 for groceries from one of the amazing couples I shared this with. I just sat down and cried. At that moment I once again felt that overwhelming emotion and desire for this new world and new ideal. We can create pockets of the kingdom of God among friends, families, and neighbors. I felt it with this group of people and have felt it elsewhere too. It’s something I want to create no matter where I am or what I am doing.

"And I think that's what our world is desperately in need of - lovers, people who are building deep, genuine relationships with fellow strugglers along the way, and who actually know the faces of the people behind the issues they are concerned about..Mother Theresa always said, 'Calcuttas are everywhere if only we have eyes to see.  Find you Calcutta.'"

Where is my Calcutta? Or yours? There are people struggling everywhere. We must slow down enough to help others with their loneliness, their hunger, their anger, their worries, and the injustices that plague so many.  I have to stop myself and wonder, why am I working so hard to be successful according to a definition that does not really matter? I want to stop and look at where I am. Is this where I want to be? Because I can do and be absolutely anything I want. The question is whether I am brave enough to trod a road less traveled.  The only thing stopping me is myself.  

Lord, here I am. I am afraid of what to do next and how to get there, but I am much more afraid of looking back on my life and seeing that it meant very little.

The Simple Way - check this out!

 

The Chain Reaction of Evil

          As many, many people remarked on the anniversary of 9/11, I also began to think of that day.  I remember waking up and eating breakfast on the floor with my dog, Spot (I liked being close to him, and he liked to be close to my cereal bowl). My dad came home from work and turned on the TV and told everyone to come to the living room because something had happened. There was something in his voice that really scared me. I asked him what had happened; he replied he didn’t know, but it was bad. I remember us all sitting there shocked and silent.  The only thought that ran through my head was – Oh my gosh, I am watching people die right now. And I kept imaging the terror of those people in the buildings. I went to school but we didn’t do anything in a single class except listen to the radio.  The whole school was a lot quieter that day. We had soccer practice after school; I fell and hurt my knee and had to go to the ER.  For the million hours I was in the ER (there is no such thing as a quick ER visit), every TV had the news on and they were just replaying clips of the planes hitting, buildings falling, people screaming, the confusion and the sheer terror.  People all over the ER were crying. I was sobbing.
            Over the last 11 years, I have watched the increase of hate, zenophobia, racism, and violence threaten to swallow up so many people. The terribleness of that day has only worsened with these things added to it.  I also watched as war, destruction, death, and violence ripped apart other nations and, I would also argue, our own.  However, I like the idea of “remembering 9/11.”  It is good to stop and remember that this is yet another example where love, forgiveness, peace, healing, and where the commonality of the human race (and as sons and daughters of God) can triumph over mere nationalistic interests. How fleeting the latter is when we look at the former! No nation has stood the test of time – not even the seemingly invincible Roman Empire! Neither will America.  So, if we say, “we will never forget,” let us mean that we will not forget to keep those affected by the violence and death on both sides of the conflict in prayer.  Let us not forget that a person of one nationality is not intrinsically more valuable than that of another. Loving, remembering, and praying for those affected by the tragedy of 9/11 does not mean we have to increase our hate or fear of others. Again, this only makes things worse. Paying hate for hate will never end well. As many nations in the Middle East have begun to attack U.S. embassies, I am once again seeing shocking images of a people who hate others. And I am not referring to Middle Eaterners, but U.S. citizens, many whom are Christians, who are saying and posting the most derogatory, offensive remarks.  I understand it is a terrible situation, but "repaying an eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind." Only through love and forgiveness can anyone move forward. We may not have control of the feelings of others, but we can do something about ourselves. And as Mother Teresa has advocated, changing the world will always begin by changing yourself. 

Above all, if we want to be a Church that looks anything like what God has in mind, it is bigger than any nation or people group! The Church does not stop at boarders! The Church is made up of every color, nationality, and background, otherwise we have no Good News – we would no longer be the Church.  Instead of choosing hate, let us live with the very radical values of Christ and his kingdom. For we are not citizens of a nation, but of the kingdom of God. We would do well to adopt the values of the future kingdom and stop placing our American identity over and above citizenship that matters much more – citizen of the human race and, most importantly, a citizen of heaven.  For that is what we are called to do: to live lives of radical love and forgiveness, to help heal a very broken world, to love our neighbors, and to live out the irresistible revolution of Christianity. So, let this week’s anniversary be a stepping stone in the long path of healing for those wounded and who lost loved ones, let this be a day to reflect on the consequences of violence, let this be a day to forgive and to take up the challenge of loving our neighbors. And let this be a path we follow in the wake of these terrible mobs who gather on the basis of hate.  Let us "love our enemies," because right now we look a lot like the people we are criticizing. I will end with one of my favorite Martin Luther King quotes (who continues to blow me away by his insistence that loving our enemies is the ONLY way to move forward. There are no other paths that work.  I also posted a picture above that moved me to tears while visiting the King center - a picture of King continuing to love his enemies even while he is mistreated and jailed by them): 

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that...Have we not come to such an impasse in the modern world that we must love our enemies - or else? The chain reaction of evil - hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars - must be broken, or else we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation. 

So let us stop this "chain reaction of evil" in its midst and choose a different path. Breaking this chain reaction starts at a personal level...where is your heart at?

God and America

I sometimes don't know what to do with the fourth of July and other patriotic holidays.  I love going to BBQ's, swimming, hanging out with friends and family, and even celebrating America's history (I love history but I love it even more if involves lighting fireworks).  What I have a hard time with is how the church celebrates these holidays. Church potlucks are amazing (which should go without saying) but there is a fine line between celebrating a cultural holiday and the church asserting that America is somehow more worthy of blessing than any other nation on earth. Do we really need to keep producing bumper stickers asking God to bless America when a large potion of the world lives in poverty, where child and sex slavery is a common affair, and war (as well as rape, civilians casualties, corrupt governments, destroyed property, lost jobs, ruined economies, and everything else that comes with it) is a problem in a lot of other nation? Or what about blessing the inner-cities of America? Places ravaged by gun and gang violence? Or the rural poor of America? I have a feeling this is not who is in mind when "God Bless America" is used. I actually like the bumper stickers (since we are on the topic of bumper stickers) that responds to this problematic statement with sayings like, "God bless the world" or "God bless EVERYONE" usually with an underline or bold type that highlights that more should be blessed than just America.

I have a confession to make. At a church I use to work at, I went out of my mind at how closely intertwined American pride and Christianity were.  One ministry that served soldiers had a poll asking people if they thought if Jesus were alive today, if he would be in the army. The answer to the survey was suppose to be "Yes." I don't remember how they came up with this answer but after being in New Testament studies for going on my 9th year I have a very difficult time understanding where that unequivocal "yes" came from. I was so frustrated with this group that after they had a party and left all there patriotic decorations up around the church buildings, I went and torn them down and threw them away. I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do (or even the mature thing to do) but what they were doing felt morally wrong and this was my act of rebellion against it.

One reason this bothers me so much is due to traveling as well as visiting churches all over the world. It saddens me that churches as well as Christians in America forget their brothers and sisters from around the globe so easily. Most Christians are not American. Most churches are not in America. America is not a Christian state (at least, not in the same way that Iran is a Muslim nation). So instead of celebrating our diversity and a unity that is stronger than any mere nationality - the tie that binds us as Christ followers - some take what should be cultural holidays and intertwine them so closely with the gospel and its message that I have a hard time seeing the love of Christ for ALL people in that message any longer. I also wonder how many would feel if the position was reversed and Christians in an enemy nation were cheering on their government by blending church and patriotic sentiment together. Do you suppose there are Iraqi Christians with bumper stickers on their cars saying God Bless Iraq? And celebrate various battles they have won against American troops in their services? I know this is making an absurd comparison, but are there not some similarities? Most of us would be horrified! I would contend that it would be better if neither Iraqi churches nor American churches celebrated their superiority over one another and instead focused on the Church - which is made up of every nation on earth, including nations that are enemies of the U.S. Just look at how the the early church started in Jerusalem and moved all over the Roman Empire and beyond! Just look at the teachings of Paul and how God is no longer a God of a single nation but is the God of all kinds of people in all kinds of places.

What do you think? These are just some of the struggles I have had. Have you struggled with this? Or is this really not an issue for you? Many Christians (like the group I mentioned above) are very for this idea of God and country, while others (like myself) are horrified that we are so quick to forget not only the rest of the human population but our sisters and brothers. I have been to churches in many countries and I have always been struck by the warm welcome I receive from churches and Christians for no other reason than they see me and as their sister. It is a tie that binds us no matter what nation one is from or what ones cultural or ethnic background is.

"The tragedy of the church's reaction to September 11th is not that we rallied around the families in New York and D.C. but that our love simply reflected the borders and allegiances of the world. We mourned the deaths of each soldier, as we should, but we did not feel the same anger and pain for each Iraqi death, or for the folks abused in the Abu Ghraib prison incident. We got farther and farther from Jesus' vision, which extends beyond our rational love and the boundaries we have established. There is no doubt that we must mourn those lives on September 11th. We must mourn the lives of the soldiers. But with the same passion and outrage, we must mourn the lives of every Iraqi who is lost. They are just as precious, no more, no less. In our rebirth, every life lost in Iraq is just as tragic as a life lost in New York or D.C. And the lives of the thirty thousand children who die of starvation each day is like six September 11ths every single day, a silent tsunami that happens every week.” ― Shane Claiborne, The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical

Here is a link to an interesting online magazine which deals mainly with non-violence and the problems of war and the toll they take on the soldiers.  It's a bit off topic, but it deals with the dilemma of alligence to one's nation verses alligence to the larger kingdom of God. http://conspiremag.com/current-issues/

Women in the Bible: Mary in Luke's Gospel

           In the narrative surrounding the Magnificat, Luke weaves the birth stories of John and Jesus into a tapestry of joyful songs, hope for the oppressed, and miraculous announcements by heavenly beings.  When Gabriel announces the pregnancy to Mary, she shows her obedience by hurrying to Elizabeth’s house.  When Mary first speaks to her, the baby in Elizabeth’s womb leaps and she is able to interpret her baby’s movement like Rebecca in Gen 25:21.  They are the first to realize the significance of the child Mary is carrying.  Elizabeth is then filled with the Holy Spirit and blesses Mary and her baby.  While John is a character whose birth is significant enough to require an angelic announcement, Elizabeth acknowledges Mary’s superiority in the situation.  This leads Mary to burst into a ballad of praise for God’s blessing of her and for bringing about the eschatological hopes of Israel.  Luke’s narration brings the movement of the story to a complete halt after Mary meets with Elizabeth.  The purpose of this deliberate slowing is hermeneutical – that is, to ensure that his audience understands the significance of the angel’s proclamation to Mary, her conception, and the blessing pronounced by Elizabeth – and that meaning is rooted in the covenantal purpose of God.

          The intent of God, as described in the Magnificat, functions as a foretaste of what the major themes of Luke-Acts will be.  Mary’s hymn, which is a prophecy of Jesus’ significance in Luke, has an emphasis on women, the poor, the reversal of fortunes between the arrogant and the lowly, and the fulfillment of God’s promises to Abraham.  Mary’s Song juxtaposes the lots of the proud, mighty, and rich against the lowly and hungry: the former are scattered, put down, and sent away hungry, while the latter are exalted and filled.  This is the core of Luke’s gospel: Jesus is good news to all, but especially to those who have none.  In the Synoptic Gospels, the evangelists show Jesus’ concern for outcasts; but Luke places a special emphasis on those who are on the periphery.  This binary of the powerful and the lowly anticipates a major theme of the Lukan narrative.  He focuses on reversals where the rich and powerful are frustrated, while the lowly know true exaltation.  The opponents of Jesus (and therefore God’s purpose) are characters who desire positions of honor and who exclude the less fortunate and socially unacceptable from their live.  The Magnificat is more than simply a joyous scene of praise; it is an integral part of the introduction to what the good news means to Luke and the lens through which to read Luke-Acts.  The poor and the lowly have cause to lift their voices and join Mary in song! 

Light

After reading 2 Corinthians 3, I was moved to write about how some of Paul's words about what Jesus' resurrection has meant not only to all people but also to me personally and I shared this with my church family on Sunday...

During high school, I had an amazing senior year. I had easy classes, lots of fun with friends, and I even was prom queen. But I didn’t take Christianity that seriously. It was something I did on Sunday but it didn’t let it permeate into the rest of my life. But towards the end of year, tragedy stuck – I had 3 friends commit suicide all around the same time. I fell into a deep and dark depression. It was like the whole world lost all of its color. Anything but sadness became absolutely foreign to me. After months of this I realized I needed help getting out of the pit I had fallen into. I turned to Christ ad began to pursue him wholeheartedly. Today we will me listening meditating and hearing a sermon on 2 Corinthians 3. Paul speaks of there being a major world shift before and after Christ’s sacrifice. One of the prominent metaphors Paul uses to talk about the state of the world before and after Christ’s resurrection is light. Before Christ’s resurrection no one could stand to look at God’s glory – the world could only glimpse the shadow of God in the world. It was as if everyone only saw in black in white or only a shadow of the true world. But after Christ, the world became bright and filled with light and color. Christ’s sacrifice made this all possible. The world is now a completely different place because of Him. So today I would like you to meditate on what areas of your life that Christ has brought light to or may still need to. Maybe it was depression or drug abuse. Or maybe you still need to ask God to shine the light of his glory into those areas of your life. Let us pray and thank Jesus for his sacrifice so that we can live a life that people only dreamed of before Christ. Let us thank Him and remember the sacrifice he gave because he loved us so much that he could not stand to let us walk around in darkness any longer. Let us thank him that we can live in boldness and freedom with our hearts unveiled to the love of Christ.

One Life to Live

I especially have one particular flaw that surfaces from time to time - especially around birthdays and special occasions - that life just goes too fast and I do not deal well with that. I am not even very old and almost every birthday I have a midlife crisis! (After all, who knows when midlife is for each of us? I guess I just try to be on the safe side and freak out every year, just in case.)  Sometimes I just look around and realize everything is completely different than it was even a year ago.  I lost my uncle to a quick and terrible bout of cancer, 
I moved across the country, started an M. Div. at a new school, lost and made some new friends, am living away from my family for the first time, became ordained, have a new dog, and am finally doing better with my stomach problems. Most of that was unseen this time last year! I worry that I am going to list a life with impoverished experiences, that I will not be able to fulfill my goals and dreams, that I will live an average life, and that I will lose people I love to distance or death. (Some thoughts are more ridiculous than others are. I distinctly remember stressing out that I hadn't slept in the desserts of Morocco with Bedouins yet, climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro -which I don't even climb mountains, received my Ph. D, read every classic book, learned to play the piano, or revolutionized the world of women's ministry in the Christian Church by publishing Bible studies that are actually well-researched and not just craziness, and so on and so on.) 


My wonderful husband, however, once again reminded me how contrary this is to the faith I proclaim.  It is in fact only through the faith I possess that I am actually able to live fully and to live beyond the base ideas of what a "good" life are. It is only by living completely sold out on the idea of the God of Love and the Grace of Christ that I am able to live a life that means much of anything in the end.

I heard a great story today on the two men who started Alcoholics Anonymous in the 1930's. To this day the first Sunday of every June, hundreds and thousands of people gather at their gravesites to remember and thank these men who lived their lives completely sold out for God and have saved so many from alcoholism. One woman who they interviewed said that her son was in AA. She said she gave birth to him around 30 years ago, but that AA gave him life again last year. She began to weep uncontrollably (I was as well at this point). What a beautiful legacy to leave! 

The definition of Amy


As I was stressing for the millionth time about grades and other school things, I suddenly realized how silly I sounded.  It is not bad to care about how well one does in school (especially when this is your calling and career), but I was startled when I realized what it was that I had let define me and my self worth. If I get an A, I'm the most awesome person ever. If I get something lower, I begin to question my self-worth and what I am even doing in school. Both extremes are a problem!  I gave up a lot of things to move here to Georgia, and I feel like I did the wrong thing when I am less successful than I thought I would be.  And this probably sounds silly to a lot of people; nonetheless, this is basically how most of this year at Emory has gone.  Actually, it goes back further than that.  Half way through my undergrad I suddenly found something I loved and was passionate about.  So that's two years of undergrad, three years of an MA, and 1 year of an M. Div.  That's a lot of time to spend worrying! The problem is, however, that I got A's and awards in everything . So, it wasn't evident to me that there was a problem because it was never challenged. Now that my grades are sometimes less than I expect, I suddenly realize what I have tied up my self-worth in and began to take a hard look at myself.  


Besides the school problems, I have been having a lot of health problems.  When you have chronic health issues that never seem to go away and always seem to hold you back from your "true" self (or what you want to be your true self), it is difficult not to see myself as a sick person who just can't seem to do anything she wants. But again, I don't want a major part of my identity to be a sick person. That is just is depressing!


Then I was curious about how other people see themselves, their obstacles, and who they want to be. I began to listen to friends and family, and realized most of them aren't happy with their currently selves either. 


It's always hard when you examine yourself and realize that you are not who you want to be. I love school and learning, but that is not the only thing I want to be defined by and I don't want what I think about myself to change every time I get a paper back. And I definitely don't want to be a person defined by my health problems. I want to be happy and free-spirited. I want travel and go on adventures.   I want to try new foods, see new places, and meet new people. I want to be outside - hiking, taking pictures, walking Rommie, or sitting on top of Stone Mountain watching birds with Jon. I want to eat healthy and cook real food instead of frozen dinners. I want to take what the world gives me and be OK with it.  I want to be known for Christ-like love and kindness.  I want to put my self-worth in something bigger and more stable than my performance in school - like how my husband sees me, how much my family loves me, and, even more so, what God thinks of me. 


The good news is that we are always changing.  We never have to stay the same person. We never have to be something we don't like. So, this is my challenge to myself and to you. What can you and I do today to move closer to who we want to be and what God has called us to be? As for me...today I am going to go on a long walk with Romulus. I am going to pick daffodils and place them in my bud vases all over the house. I am going to do my best in school and be proud of it, no matter what grade I get back. I am going to  get back to the joy of learning new things and challenging old ideas.  I am going to look at my lower grades as a chance to be a better student and scholar. Because, even if I am not who I want to be, I can always be moving forward instead of backward. And if our lives are a journey, it is better to be moving forward (and onto unexpected paths and side-streets) instead of staying stagnant.